Well as all good novels go it seems I’ll have plenty of time to write it in jail probably. However I am excited I may have time to write it. Maybe even win back the love of my life and again be the protagonist I long to be. This life has left me knowing one thing. Every girl I’ve had a relationship with dates me again. So I have a good track record on that. Now if only I can sway the ex wife and maybe use the forces of good that I’ve learned to make things right again with the world.
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I finally get it…. I build myself up for the ones who love me not for myself but I build myself up for the ones who need me and love me.
On a personal binge to destroy myself. I really am a narcissistic person but its getting better I’m realizing I really am better than most people. Most people don’t love like I do. They’re too scared too and for good reason. It hurts to love without limits but you have to not be afraid to show it too. It literally feels like death somedays. I do still love my ex wife and I do try to show it from time to time. Here lately someone has been messing with me in my dating app and theres some things I only told her but after seeing my ohone may have been hacked I have no idea who is pulling the strings.
Yes I am a fucked up individual I do love and I do pray though. I pray for everyone I touch and see and hear. I write and still can’t find the words inside to change myself. It’s not that i dont care about anyone else, its more like my life is a murder mystery that I can’t put down and each page I turn I’m closing in on the end but somehow there’s one twist after another.
To my ex wife. I’m not narcissistic more like im focused on who I am and can’t figure it out, but I do still love others. I hope one day you can find this and realize how it really is because I do know how to love you just didn’t know how to live and thats not my fault you wanted to stay stuck in that little world of simplicity which does have its overwhelming attraction but when it’s threatened to be taken by outside forces left and right it’s livability isn’t for me.
I’m not one to deal with the government trying to take my house my neighbor trying to take my wife and live my life. Not when I did all that hard work to earn it, but you walked away so freely thinking i didn’t love you because I hadn’t perfected how much time I should spend with my family and how much to spend alone. Fuck you all for pushing me out of that comfort zone I loved it there I was happy and granted now im happy within myself I have become something else. A monster completely different from when i started. Someone who is in touch with himself but distant from everyone else.
So at a family gathering today I was called out by my family very non chalantly about my mething Around. Well I lost my job and you fucks decided to aim for flogging a dead horse and guess what fuck you guys now. Never did shit for me anyways. Its all good did some more since we’re gonna be picked on for it lets fully insulge the senses…. Fuck what you think…
When I was 17 just turned 18 I dated a girl who said she was 13 soon to be 14 turned out she was mother fucking 12. I haven’t felt any worse than I do now I’m not right in the head never have been since I can remember. Like I see other people can keep that shit in or don’t feel it. I feel everything twice as hard it seems to be for everyone else.